And I Heard 'Em Say/Nothing Ever Promised Tomorrow Today

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Let's see if you geniuses can work this one out.

I will report back with my findings, of course. C'mon Ye. Bring out Jay or Beyonce or Chris Rock or Biggie.

Where You Been

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The title of that album I've posted there poses a good and valid question. Where exactly? Well, below are a few possible explanations for my latest bout of procrastination. My God, I swear it's getting worse.

1. Reddit rage comics. These bitches have me laughing approximately five times a day without fail.
2. Breaking Bad is back like it left sum'in.
3. Jay & 'Ye released a stupidly sick song. 'Otis' is everything I want from 'Watch The Throne'. Immeasurable swagger.
4. The world lost it's shit over a phone hacking scandal and the UK lost it's biggest selling toilet roll.
5. I had to go to work and shit.

Creatively though, I haven't completely seized up. I've done some paintings you'll be pleased to hear. More importantly though, I WROTE A RAP SONG. Yeah, you heard me. I was aimlessly not paying attention to the road on the way home the other day and a few lines popped into my head. Before long, I thought 'well blow me. I'm a rapping driver now!' So I raced home (for all you reading policemen - at the speed limit ;)) and scribbled my fire down.

In fact, I think this deserves it's own post....

Listasaurus: The Top 20 Songs of 2010: 05-01

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Oh wow. Here we go. It's Christmas Eve and snow is falling neck breaking amounts of sludge are everywhere. As I walk the streets of this humdrum town I can see families huddled around computer screens. What are they looking at? What can unite all these people like this? Oh cot damn. It's my twitter feed and they are all waiting for a tweet to say that this blog post is up. Happy holidays.

05 Rihanna - 'Only Girl (In The World)'

"...be my prisoner for the night."

I'd say the same thing about Gaga but I'm really thankful Rihanna is around. You know by now that pop stars of her magnitude are unavoidable in everyday life. Regardless of your age, gender or anything else you will be hearing songs by artists like Rihanna on approximately a thrice daily basis. In the launderette, in the bakery, on the car radio on the way to work, from the annoying girl singing in the office. Rihanna and Gaga, though, are different to the rest. Why? Well, I find them both genuinely interesting for one. I find a vast majority of their music really very listenable for two. Perhaps you could say that this has more to do with the people behind the scenes than the actual artists themselves and perhaps you could be right. I'll tell you one thing about that though, I don't really care either way.

'Only Girl (In The World)' initially sounded like a bit of a cash in on this recent R&B/dance crossover trend. Originally, I heard it two or three times and dismissed it as a bit of a dissapointment and got on with my life. However, as the days and weeks rolled on and I kept hearing the song through my own choosing or otherwise, I started to dig it more and more with each listen. As always with Rihanna, the song is shot through with a high voltage sexiness but its a sexiness that is edged with some yearning and some real innocence. It's like reading the diary of the hottest girl at school and finding out that she's got it bad for some kid that couldn't give a shit about her. Something like that anyway. Either way, it's fantastic.

04 Freddie Gibbs - 'National Anthem (Fuck The World)'

"All my shit still be bumpin'..."

Aside from the song at #02 in this list, this is my most played rap song of the year and it takes few listens to work out why. Gibbs really works with LA Riots' beat here so much so that you really cannot imagine them as divided entities. The way in which he slows down to a thug crawl for that chorus and shifts up to a blinding Twista speed for his verses really is spellbinding. As is often the way, Gibbs has really been through a lot in his short life but it's moments like this that make you thankful he came out the other side.

Freddie Gibbs has a lot of material out there. He's a mixtape fiend and filtering this slew of content down to its rawest and purest form can be difficult. I mean, where to start? Well, the easy answer to that is to start with "National Anthem...," because this isn't just Freddie Gibbs' best track, it's one of the best rap tracks of the year. Perhaps more importantly, it marks Gibbs out as a true contender and one to watch very closely come 2011 and beyond.

03 Laura Marling - 'Goodbye England (Covered in Snow)'

"True love is frail and willing to break..."

I posted about Laura Marling earlier in the year when 'I Speak Because I Can' was first released. Back then, I was reeling at how good that album was and how amazing it is that Marling is 20 years old or whatever. Since then I've listened to ISBIC and more specifically 'Goodbye England...' many, many times and with each listen I've realised how irrelevant it is what age Laura Marling is. This is a song that just sounds completely classic. It could've been released at any time over the past fifty years, it really doesn't matter.

Marling has written a song that reads as well as it sounds. It could be read to you as a poem and you'd have nothing to say other than to praise its beauty. You've probably never read a sentence that includes both Freddie Gibbs and Laura Marling before but much like that guy at #04, it's songs like this that mark Marling out as a different breed to her competitors.

There's nothing I like more than being surprised and at no point in the past did I think Laura Marling had a song this good in her. It's simply beautiful and I have my hand on my heart when I say this placing is in no way influenced by it being Christmas nor snow falling in and around this country that Laura and I were born in.

02 Kanye West - 'Monster'

"The best living or dead hands down, huh?"

Who on earth saw this coming? C'mon, hands up. Naw, me neither. When Kanye launched back into the world with his weekly G.O.O.D Friday series no one really knew what to expect. What I didn't foresee was the actual content of these free, weekly released, songs. Firstly, the vast majority of them were pure fire and secondly, the guests Kanye roped in weren't just session musicians or anything, it was stellar major players of (mainly) the rap game. I'm talking Jay-Z, Lupe, Common, Mos Def, Pusha T here. Some of these GF tracks (albeit reworked versions) were later used for 'My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy' and 'Monster' was one of these. It's just too undeniable to be left as anything else.

It's a difficult track to describe to someone without them listening to it as you do. The basics are that it features Rick Ross, Kanye, Jay-Z, Nicki Minaj and Bon Iver (!). Other than that, the shit's plain ridiculous. Kanye quite typically came up with an entirely untypical beat that jumps all over the place and the rest is down to the respective artists and their verses. Ross is on damage control and only gets a couple of bars (how he is best used) and Kanye's swagger is set on ultra high. Jay-Z's verse I don't actually like very much at all but abide for one reason - it sets up Nicki Minaj to stomp through and rip everyone's balls off. Nicki's verse is my musical moment of the year. It's all crazy voices chasing a beat that just doesn't know where its going to go next. She sounds like Godzilla wearing skyscrapers for stilettos. Her verse forms part of a song that is quite simply, if you'll excuse my language, a motherfuckin' monster.

01 The Walkmen - 'Angela Surf City'

"You took the high road..."

I've hinted at how much I adore this song at several separate occasions this year. This adoration was cemented when I got to witness it performed live last month and it did not dissapoint in any way. This one, dear reader, soars.

The Walkmen never get their dues. They do the rounds, tour incessantly and for an indie band in 2010, are pretty prolific too. Even then, I don't feel they get half the press they deserve. For me, they should be spoke about as loftily as The National are. Now I'm aware that The National aren't exactly U2 but even so, there's a big difference in between being in that band and being a member of The Walkmen. Album sales, gig revenues, merchandise. It all counts in a pretty important way. The reasons why I dig this band so much are right there, a mile high, for all to see in 'Angela Surf City'.

To get the obvious out of the way first, they're incredible musicians and if you can't hear that in this song then you're either an idiot or deaf. The most obvious example of their musicianship is the drumming. Always incessant yet strictly melodic, Matt Barrick could just be the best drummer around. It's clear that rest of The Walkmen know this and Barrick often finds himself at centre stage. 'Angela Surf City' kicks off with him rolling out a typical drum beat, for example.

The Walkmen's finest and most famous hour was a song called 'The Rat' which was released in 2004 to raptourous acclaim. Since then, it's often been a case of "yeah they're alright but they'll never top 'The Rat'..." and if the band we're honest up until the release of 'Lisbon' then they might've just agreed. 'Angela Surf City' changes all of that. It shows that 'The Rat' wasn't just a one off. It shows that its possible to go from sounding almost bored in an opening verse to launching into a chorus that's as unstoppable as a runaway train. It shows that you can really achieve something amazing in three minutes and nineteen seconds.

So, that's it. List over. Hope you all enjoyed reading, a spotify playlist of the complete list can be found here*. Have a good christmas and I hope next year is better than this year for all of you.

*some songs aren't on spotify. They've been substituted in a 'next best' sorta way apart from Jeezy and Arcade Fire who are just plain difficult and not on there at all.

Lost In The World

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Despite being male, I'd still swop my talking voice for Nicki Minaj's in a heartbeat.

Kanye West's film 'Runaway' premiered on the US networks at the weekend. Naturally, it was all over the sick, twisted and quite brilliant internet within a moment's notice.

The film is an interesting one, to say the least. I was going to try and write a small summary of what happens but I feel that you will all think I've finally lost it if I do. Let's just say that the film includes an asteroid smashing into earth, a phoenix being born, Kanye and phoenix watching a fireworks display whilst a massive Michael Jackson papier mache head is paraded and some ballerinas dancing around to a song that includes the line "24/7 365 pussy stays on my mind." All this and its only 34 minutes long. Take note James Cameron with your shitty little blue world boring everyone into submission for hours on end.

For a fan boy like me, the main draw of this film is to hear the vast majority of songs included on 'My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy', albeit in snippet form. Safe to say that the ones I haven't already heard sound very interesting. Really digging the Rihanna featuring 'All of The Lights' I must say. The film is beautifully shot and at times is remarkably vivid, I've never seen anything like it before. My monitor is ancient and dusty as anything too. It's like it was recently salvaged from Tutankhamun's tomb. How much Mr West has to do with the actual cinematography and all I don't know, but either way, it's definitely worth watching. Gotta say that Kanye's acting when he has a line (which is rare) is a bit lame but he cleverly distracts you by wearing some super sharp suits. The mischievous, badly acting and well dressed little scamp.

Some Worlds Can Just Disappear.

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Always believe in your soul/You've got the power to know.

First, a confession. No, not murder or arson. Why you think so lowly of me? More that I haven't been to a concert for a while. That's all. Put simply, I'm going to less and less as I get older and I think its just because it takes a lot more to grab me now. I'm not overly happy with the situation but that pretty much applies to all aspects of getting older doesn't it? These days, a show has to be something real special for me to part with a miniscule percentage of my colossal salary and it just seems that every time I check the listings, nothing ever looks standout anymore. It's cool, I can deal with it. Even so, I've got a few things planned for the last quarter of this year and I will reflect these nights on here in the form of a review that will, let's be honest, probably be really long and consist of two absurdly lengthly paragraphs and about four photos that are so sketchy they could be, well, sketches.

I'm just waffling here because I'm trying to formulate some sort of intro for this post. Posts don't necessarily need introductions, of course. If you've got a fashion blog for example, your life is a doddle. All you do is get dressed, take a photo and then post that on your blog under the title 'What I wore today' FFS. Why do I feel I need an intro here then? Well mainly because this post is sort of (it is) about Kanye West AGAIN. I'm sorry. It is also about concerts though too. Concerts that just happen to involve Kanye West. The video below is taken from a secret Kanye show in NYC the other night and it is so much fun. I did watch it really late the other night after some drinks admittedly but I was just loving it. I was dancing around my room like nobody was watching and man was I serious about it. Groovin' and mouthin' the rhymes with a big grin on my face like I just hit the lotto for the fourth week running. I think at some point I even started repeatedly shouting "This is what shows should be like! This. Is. What. Shows. Should. Be. Like." I'm losing it, I know. Still, when's this sort of thing going to happen in my town huh? TELL ME THAT somebody. Anyway, check it out. 'Ye (with some help from John Legend) does renditions of 'Homecoming', 'Run This Town', his verses from Rick Ross's 'Live Fast, Die Young', 'American Boy' (w/ Estelle), new song 'Mama's Boyfriends' 'Power, and 'The Good Life'. Every song is so golden they should be viewed on a bullion shaped monitor.

In a parallel universe I'm in the crowd watching this. In said universe, I also have rippling biceps, astonishing intelligence and a pet wolf.

Also, quite refreshingly for this blog, something not related to Kanye. I dug out 'Winged Life' by Shearwater today for the first time in far too long. Such a beautiful record and I was quite surprised to find that the song below, 'The World in 1984', stopped me in my tracks in the same inimitable way it always used to.

"Working on being a doper person."

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Look at the pathetic size of this private plane. WHEN WILL THIS RECESSION BE OVER FOR GODS SAKE?

I linked to a Kanye video in the last post and I hate to be repetitive but I've gotta briefly write about the man again I'm afraid. Sorry to yer mutha. A lot of words are written about Mr West's ego and his self love or how he seems to believe that he's a bonafide genius in everything he does - we [the whole word minus Kanye], of course, just ain't noticed yet. So, what better arena for a man with too much to say about anything and everything than Twitter. A site that pretty much sums up the internet for me. It's instant, easily accessible from many formats and it's, by and large, a colossal waste of time. As a keen purveyor of all things to do with time wasting, I love it. I love Kanye too of course. I'll cut to the chase, Kanye signed up a Twitter account last week and he's absolutely brilliant on it. So, he tweets about how his private plane is too small (see title photo), he tweets about how he doesn't know what circa 1700 style goblet to buy and he tweets about how hard it is to sleep on fur pillows. How many more reasons do you need to follow the man?

K. West aside. It's already August and I'm not sure I've done anything of real note this year thus far. August is like the eighth month right? Give me a sec here...yeah, so that's erm...two thirds! 2/3rds of the way through this damn year already. I think it is time that we all went out and started getting it, whatever that is, in the sincerest way possible. To put us back on track, I'm eagerly awaiting some big releases before this year is out. *takes breath* Kanye, Jeezy, Arcade Fire, Grinderman, The Walkmen, Of Montreal, Antony & The Johnsons, Kid Cudi, Andre 3000 (maybe), The Cool Kids, Doom & Ghostface (!), Lupe Fiasco. There's still a tonne of stuff from this year I've been sleeping on too. I'm going to be busy erm, sat in my little room listening to loads of records for the rest of the year then.

One of the big names on that list is of course Arcade Fire. Why they aren't called The Arcade Fire, I don't know. People call them that anyway everywhere, I do know. So, I pre-ordered this album last week sometime and I really don't know why I bother. Play.com, if you're reading this. Why are you so slow these days? For real, I pre-ordered Big Boi about a month before it came out and didn't get it for about a week after it was out in normal shops that plebs can go to. Isn't the whole point of pre-ordering that you get it on time on release day and you can be all smug and tell everyone you've already got whatever item waiting for you on the doormat at home? Well, I ain't doin' it again now. I was going to pre-order this Jeezy album I'm always yakking about but then I remembered that some poor souls somewhere probably pre-ordered Dre's 'Detox' about 5 years ago and are still waiting. Those rappers hey? Good when you want some beats to soundtrack ya grind, not so good at being prompt and sticking to their words on release dates. Bet Biggie use to always be late for meetings.

Slow clap for a really ungoogle friendly title Arcade Fire. Why not title your next album "Arcade Fire - Google'?

Either way, 'The Suburbs' is getting some amazing press (here and here) and I'm really excited about it in general. AF are a really special band that I've always thought have a unique talent. That is somehow, when you listen to their records, you feel that it's just you listening. That they're some little band that no one but you knows. You play their songs over and over until they sound like friends. They aren't friends though of course, they're more like little secrets. Little secrets shared between a band consisting of seven people. Little secrets shared between millions of people that buy their records. Long may that continue.

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P.S UNRELATED NEWS JUST IN. I'm getting some reports through here that certain lucky play.com users have just had their pre-ordered copies of 'Be Here Now' by Oasis delivered.

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Don't Keep Raaaaaandy Waitin' on a Verse

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Raaaaaandy (Aziz Ansari) is making a mixtape. He's been waitin' too long for some big names to hit him back with some verses. There's only one way to get at these big rappers who have got everything else and that's call 'em out with your own rhymes! It's like Jay vs Nas if Aziz was Jay and Nas was every rapper going.



"Oh yeah Drake. You're really ballin' with that hotmail address man."

There's more beef here than a foot and mouth funeral pyre. Bam. Yer boi spit fiahhhh.

F.Stokes and Lazerbeak - The Death of a Handsome Bride

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This is brilliant. Best hip hop album (okay it might be an EP) I've heard for an age. More importantly it's the best new hip hop album I've heard for a long time. After being severely let down by the big players in this game it's extra sweet to be this surprised by a guy crashing in from way out in left field. F.Stokes brings the rhymes, Lazerbeak the beats. Something about being better than the sum of their parts goes here.

He's from Chicago. So is Kanye. So is Lupe. He sounds a little like both of those guys in various ways, yeah. I can't really be bothered with lazy lines like that though so I'm cutting this one out short for once. If you believe in hip hop, go get this. Yeah I suppose you could get Lil Wayne's 'Rebirth' instead. That's out this week here in the UK. I thought about getting it but then I remembered I'd rather sleep rough on a bed of used needles.

I've got that watch. I haven't got the tattoo or any musical ability.

Y'know what? Stokes says it best. He'll carry this thing like a hearse.

Care about.

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1. Jay -Z - The Blueprint 3
This is going to be dope, wack, fresh, sick, cool, rad and all *that*. We've got the front cover and the tracklist (see above and below - taken from Jay-Z.com) now. There's an awful lot of features on it including Jeezy, Alicia Keys, Cudi and Luke Steele (WTF). Thankfully, Kanye managed to muster up a small amount of ownage on Jay (no homo!) with his verse on 'Run This Town' and here's to all the guest spots being as good as that one. Ye owed him for showing him up on that sick 'Diamonds From Sierra Leone' remix. He's a business, mannnn. Yeah. that one.





Jay-Z is pretty much the man everyone wants to be. What I know of his life (yes, he's got more than 98 problems but still) sounds pretty cool and I reckon I could handle it. I could deal with the rap game, Beyonce being a crazy bitch and talking about how things would be different if she was a boy, the clothes line, the Mets, being tight with Barack - all of it. With all that said, he might actually be putting it all on for the camera. Maybe he spends most of his time watching shopping channels in his underwear whilst eating mini versions of popular ice creams. Wait! That sounds like a really good way to get over that savage Swine Flu. I know, I know.


"Only rapper to rewrite history without a pen..."

Jay-Z - D.O.A. (Death of Autotune)



2. The XMI X-mini II Speaker

I think I might be way behind on this little rogue but mannnn this thing is crazy cool. Essential details - it's a portable speaker (w/a tidily concealed inbuilt 3.5mm audio connection cable) that you nerds can plug into your Sony Walkman or whatever you use. It's really small, about the size of a 15 month old (approximate guess) baby fist. It charges from a USB connection in about two hours and a full charge lasts for eleven hours, allegedly. I fully intend to find out by listening to a white noise audio track that lasts exactly eleven hours this evening/tomorrrow early morning.

To get this thing cranked you gotta turn the two halves away from each other to reveal a little valve (see below) which, for want of a better term, is really really really cute. It's like a little techno kitten. Hello Kitty I suppose. These guys have gotta get more marketing game. These things could (and probably should) be massive. This is not a paid advertisement, promise.


Yeah, The key thing about the X Mini II is that it is loud. It's really loud actually. I had 'A Milli' on when I was in the shower earlier and the bass was so on that the little thing was jumping around each time Bangladesh had that thing banging. It was kinda poetic really. I almost felt that through the song and the movement of the speaker, Lil Wayne and I were having a little conversation. It's the closest I've ever felt to Wayne and what with me being a naked little geek in my shower and him being a rap superstar, probably the closest I ever will be (no homo). This thing is like £17 over at amazon. G g g get it bought. What's seventeen pounds? An emotional Will Smith add a tenner, that's what it is.

3. Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 7

I don't know when this will (if at all) air over here in the UK but CYE is one of those programmes that I always forget how much I love until I watch an episode. HBO have posted a few teasers of season 7 on youtube and I'm now officially psyched. That's the word people use isn't it? 'Psyched?' Whatever. Larry David has just got a funny little face hasn't he. He's a bit like a flamingo or something. I can't look at those guys without literally LMAOing. I also cannot believe that these damned fingers just typed LMAO either. Goddamn. On second thoughts though I just remembered the line "I'm on my way to the bank, L M A O..." and Lil Wayne said that and if it's good enough for him...


ANYWAY, yeah. The clip is below but head over to youtube because they've got a fair few over there. Whilst you're there I guarantee that you'll end up looking at about a dozen other old Curb fave moments. "President of hittin' that ass...", Larry doing his cameo for Scorcese, calling the phone directory for Krazee Eyez Killa's number. You know how I roll. If you're me, however, it's far easier to just leave the house and find yourself in your very own Curb Your Enthuasiasm moment. 50% of everything I say is apologies, the other half is a mix of swear words, gutteral sounds and trying to talk like I'm Omar from The Wire. Ya feel me?


EDIT: WTF is up with Marty Funkhouser's voice. He sounds like if you cut his chest open it'd just be one big mess of wires, bolts and LED lights. Marty 5 is Alive! I'd photoshop his face on Johnny 5 from 'Short Circuit' if I could but I can't. Other things I can't do include wiring a plug, back flips and being nice to people on Facebook.