Where You Been

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The title of that album I've posted there poses a good and valid question. Where exactly? Well, below are a few possible explanations for my latest bout of procrastination. My God, I swear it's getting worse.

1. Reddit rage comics. These bitches have me laughing approximately five times a day without fail.
2. Breaking Bad is back like it left sum'in.
3. Jay & 'Ye released a stupidly sick song. 'Otis' is everything I want from 'Watch The Throne'. Immeasurable swagger.
4. The world lost it's shit over a phone hacking scandal and the UK lost it's biggest selling toilet roll.
5. I had to go to work and shit.

Creatively though, I haven't completely seized up. I've done some paintings you'll be pleased to hear. More importantly though, I WROTE A RAP SONG. Yeah, you heard me. I was aimlessly not paying attention to the road on the way home the other day and a few lines popped into my head. Before long, I thought 'well blow me. I'm a rapping driver now!' So I raced home (for all you reading policemen - at the speed limit ;)) and scribbled my fire down.

In fact, I think this deserves it's own post....

If You've Got Some Fire, Share It.

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SSS brings another man to tears.

Right, one of my many readers sent me a tweet yesterday asking if I had any Spotify playlists I could share and the answer to that is "Yes indeed I do." So, below you'll find a list of links I've made over the years. Maybe they'll help you when you're sat frozen, with Spotify open, not being able to think of a single song or artist in the universe. I've had times where I've got this Spotify Statue Syndrome (SSS) so bad I've just typed 'good songs' into the search bar. Pathetic. Some are posted from me and some from my old spotify account before I set up this blog.

Crisp and cut. Crisp and damn cut.

1. 'Rip This Holy Night' - Best song - Probably 'Papa Was a Rolling Stone' by The Temptations because not only is it the best song on this particular list, it's also the best song on Spotify period. 'It was the third of September/That day I'll always remember/Yes I will.'

Sheffield and I.

2. 'No Horizon Blues' - Best song - Probably 'Cornerstone' by Arctic Monkeys because it's the best song that Morrissey has never written.

Ay yo Jay. Where'd ya lil brother get his tie from?

3. 'Believing baby, we believing' - Best song - Probably 'Money Ain't a Thang' by Jay-Z & Jermaine Dupri because it's so good to cruise around to jus' runnin' errands and ting. I don't give a shit what car you got bro, get this on and ride around shining.

If you want an ordinary world, get an office job, Duran Duran.

4. 'Shadowlands/Daggers' - Best song - Probably 'Ordinary World' by Duran Duran because when I play it I flounce around the room as if I'm as light as a feather and possibly studying a drama GCSE or some wack shit. Song does things to me.

When we gonna get excited?

5. 'Jetpack Ambition' - Best song - Probably 'To Hell With Good Intentions' by McLusky. Why? Have you heard it?! It's like someone smashing your window in, poking their head through the hole and spitting in your face. This is my most recent effort btw.

Hope you enjoy these and may you not be struck with SSS for at least a couple of hours or so.

Song of The Day #17 - Jay-Z - 'U Don't Know Remix (Ft. M.O.P)'

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Al Capone swag.

Main thing I love about hip-hop: now and then it throws up songs that can only be described as ridiculous. There's something about a boundless beat versus one guy going crazy and snapping on it for all he's worth which you just don't get in other genres of music. This song right here showcases three individuals/groups at the very top of their game and the result leaves you bouncing, breathless and usually stretching for the repeat button. TOP TIP: Best listened to in the safety of your home so you can wild out and not worry about what "the world" thinks of you. Definitely not studying music or anything lame like that.

Jay-Z - 'U Don't Know Remix (Ft. M.O.P)'

You dudes is noodles, I gots more ziti to bake

The reason this song works so well and bumps so hard is quite simple: everyone on it is playing to their (considerable) strengths. Just Blaze is the king of chopping samples to his own end and that hyped up horns and hard as concrete snare sound he's copyrighted is just such a heady concoction when it's working right. Jay-Z is a jack of many trades and that's why he's the best but I've always thought that his A game is when he's on those spit-in-yer-face braggadacio verses like he lays down here. MOP are just damn good thugs, that's all. This remix needed some thugged out verses, Jay was only ever going to ask one group. Quite simple when you look at it like that isn't it. For once, a rap song with big name features really is worth more than the sum of it parts.

The original version of 'U Don't Know' is wicked too but you all know that right? It also benefits from not being taken from 'The Blueprint 2: The Gift & The Curse' like today's song. That album, of course, was total SHIT.

Razorblades under the tongue,
I will eat ya face.
Appetite for destruction, I aint gon starve anyday
Got a money hungry lawyer that'll eat the case
And thats just food for thought,
Don't let it go to waste
Nigga, bite the bullet until you stuffin ya face
I done forgot more than you ever learned
What you dont know will make your home a permanent urn, nicca.

Rapper, Meet Dinosaur.

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"Yeah Kweli. I totally like hadn't noticed you mention your album. At all."

So Talib Kweli is a pretty good rapper. 'The Beautiful Struggle' had us all thinking he'd go blow up everywhere but then the following 'Eardrum' was a bit like a glass of squash with not enough cordial in it. i.e. a little weak. Since that record, I've kinda fallen off with him in truth until he came to my attention again recently. See, Talib has a new record out soon with Hi-Tek called 'Revolutions Per Minute' which is a follow up to a record the two worked in '02 called 'Train of Thought' and he has been tweeting about it constantly. Now, I understand this form of marketing, don't get me wrong. It's cheap, very quick and sort of direct in a really indirect way (because that makes sense), however, sending a tweet out a hundred times a day pretty much always saying: "got a new album out soon. buy it and all that." gets a bit, well, annoying. Seriously, if as a @RealTalibKweli followers, the first fifty tweets don't pique your interest well then...you can see where I'm going here.

So, the other day (Wednesday if you must know) I sent the following tweet @ Talib:

Being British I am of course a fine purveyor of the lowest form of wit as you can see. In fact, I've got real issues with sarcasm that I wish I could address. I'm sarcastic all the time, to absolutely everyone. I'm even sarcastic to my cat and he doesn't even have a proper voice. Just a moan that sounds like an ultra slowed down sound effect of a motorbike passing. "Meeeeuuuuooowwwaahhh" - bit like that. So I sent the tweet out and then just sat around and watched paint dry for a couple of minutes until.... there you go BAM! Talib replied!

I mean, Jay once rhymed "Skills sold, I'd probably be, lyrically, Talib Kweli" and here he was replying to me on twitter which is pretty cool. However, it would seem that rappers may have girls, cars and stacks but when it comes to sarcasm, those boys are more lost than an island full of black smoke and polar bear. Mo' sarcasm, mo' problems man.

Care about.

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1. Jay -Z - The Blueprint 3
This is going to be dope, wack, fresh, sick, cool, rad and all *that*. We've got the front cover and the tracklist (see above and below - taken from Jay-Z.com) now. There's an awful lot of features on it including Jeezy, Alicia Keys, Cudi and Luke Steele (WTF). Thankfully, Kanye managed to muster up a small amount of ownage on Jay (no homo!) with his verse on 'Run This Town' and here's to all the guest spots being as good as that one. Ye owed him for showing him up on that sick 'Diamonds From Sierra Leone' remix. He's a business, mannnn. Yeah. that one.





Jay-Z is pretty much the man everyone wants to be. What I know of his life (yes, he's got more than 98 problems but still) sounds pretty cool and I reckon I could handle it. I could deal with the rap game, Beyonce being a crazy bitch and talking about how things would be different if she was a boy, the clothes line, the Mets, being tight with Barack - all of it. With all that said, he might actually be putting it all on for the camera. Maybe he spends most of his time watching shopping channels in his underwear whilst eating mini versions of popular ice creams. Wait! That sounds like a really good way to get over that savage Swine Flu. I know, I know.


"Only rapper to rewrite history without a pen..."

Jay-Z - D.O.A. (Death of Autotune)



2. The XMI X-mini II Speaker

I think I might be way behind on this little rogue but mannnn this thing is crazy cool. Essential details - it's a portable speaker (w/a tidily concealed inbuilt 3.5mm audio connection cable) that you nerds can plug into your Sony Walkman or whatever you use. It's really small, about the size of a 15 month old (approximate guess) baby fist. It charges from a USB connection in about two hours and a full charge lasts for eleven hours, allegedly. I fully intend to find out by listening to a white noise audio track that lasts exactly eleven hours this evening/tomorrrow early morning.

To get this thing cranked you gotta turn the two halves away from each other to reveal a little valve (see below) which, for want of a better term, is really really really cute. It's like a little techno kitten. Hello Kitty I suppose. These guys have gotta get more marketing game. These things could (and probably should) be massive. This is not a paid advertisement, promise.


Yeah, The key thing about the X Mini II is that it is loud. It's really loud actually. I had 'A Milli' on when I was in the shower earlier and the bass was so on that the little thing was jumping around each time Bangladesh had that thing banging. It was kinda poetic really. I almost felt that through the song and the movement of the speaker, Lil Wayne and I were having a little conversation. It's the closest I've ever felt to Wayne and what with me being a naked little geek in my shower and him being a rap superstar, probably the closest I ever will be (no homo). This thing is like £17 over at amazon. G g g get it bought. What's seventeen pounds? An emotional Will Smith add a tenner, that's what it is.

3. Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 7

I don't know when this will (if at all) air over here in the UK but CYE is one of those programmes that I always forget how much I love until I watch an episode. HBO have posted a few teasers of season 7 on youtube and I'm now officially psyched. That's the word people use isn't it? 'Psyched?' Whatever. Larry David has just got a funny little face hasn't he. He's a bit like a flamingo or something. I can't look at those guys without literally LMAOing. I also cannot believe that these damned fingers just typed LMAO either. Goddamn. On second thoughts though I just remembered the line "I'm on my way to the bank, L M A O..." and Lil Wayne said that and if it's good enough for him...


ANYWAY, yeah. The clip is below but head over to youtube because they've got a fair few over there. Whilst you're there I guarantee that you'll end up looking at about a dozen other old Curb fave moments. "President of hittin' that ass...", Larry doing his cameo for Scorcese, calling the phone directory for Krazee Eyez Killa's number. You know how I roll. If you're me, however, it's far easier to just leave the house and find yourself in your very own Curb Your Enthuasiasm moment. 50% of everything I say is apologies, the other half is a mix of swear words, gutteral sounds and trying to talk like I'm Omar from The Wire. Ya feel me?


EDIT: WTF is up with Marty Funkhouser's voice. He sounds like if you cut his chest open it'd just be one big mess of wires, bolts and LED lights. Marty 5 is Alive! I'd photoshop his face on Johnny 5 from 'Short Circuit' if I could but I can't. Other things I can't do include wiring a plug, back flips and being nice to people on Facebook.