"I Was Perfect."

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Swan Lake was composed in 1875-1876 and is still being run today. D'ya reckon 'We Will Rock You' will still be going in 136 years?

I've been pretty stressed recently. Incredibly stressed actually. It's nothing to do with my family, my love life or my health. I haven't moved house nor has my car broken down. It's worse than all of that. Yes, I've got a new laptop and I've had to reinstall and reorder iTunes. If you've done this, you know exactly what kind of trick I'm on. I've got albums with missing tracks, misspelt band names and don't even get me started on album artwork. iShambles.

So an Apple program a day keeps nothing at bay aside from satisfaction and fulfillment then. That's what I've learnt. Things threatened to get too much yesterday when I actually typed 'how much does it cost to have someone do your itunes for you' into google. I'd really hit the wall. In my frustration, I got out of the house and went to see 'Black Swan'. That being Darren Aranofsky's new 'psychosexual thriller' starring Natalie Portman as the newly cast Queen Swan in a performance of 'Swan Lake'. Safe to say, things don't exactly go to plan. Nina (Portman) struggles to come to the terms with the physical and mental demans of such a high profile role. She starts to find that her truest enemy resides in the mirror and as opening night approaches, her life starts to unravel and mirror the tragic tale that 'Swan Lake' has been telling for such a long time now.

I don't really want to say too much and spoil a film that truly has you sitting on the knife edge of your seat but man, it's quite a ride. At the film's core is a contradiction that I should think mystifies many performance artists and people of that sort of disposition - how do you keep precise control of your body whilst simultaneously letting go and giving yourself to a character, an idea, an audience? It's a tough one but Portman is fantastic in a lead role that, much like the one she portrays in the ballet production, is incredibly demanding. 'Black Swan' is one of those films where you think that something or someone truly horrid is waiting around every corner. My mood flitted between tense, mega tense and Mr Tense of Mount Tenseington St essentially. It's a film you have to see at the cinema too so please put your torrents to rest for an evening you freeloading nerds. I really urge you to watch this film at the cinema, just don't see it as a first date. Chicks on first dates ain't quite as down with psychosexual thrillers as you probably imagine.

Also, I only found out after the film that one of the characters is played by Winona Ryder. I can't decide if this passed me by because she looks really different now or whether it's just that I don't recognise her if she isn't on the arm of an indie rocker or another. Can I also take this opportunity to inform you that apparently Mila Kunis use to spend nights playing World of Warcraft for hours and hours when she was dating Macaulay Culkin. Just sat next to each other on different computers. Playing World of Warcraft. For ages. That's what they did.

"Shall we have the LAN party at yours or mine?"

Yeah, I'm trying to work out what's worse between playing WoW or dating Macaulay Culkin too. Answers on a postcard to the usual address. Also, if you know how much money Macaulay has I'd like to know that too. A few films decades ago and being MJ's boyfriend doesn't pay that well, does it?

Two Thousand and Eleven.

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This year will be your best one yet.

Hangovers have crawled back into their shells, party poppers have been swept up and everything feels distinctly similiar to last year. The new year is ten days old tomorrow and my 2011 post count is unsurprisingly at a whole round zero. I'm almost shocked.

Still, it's a new year and there's loads of things to look forward to even in the these dark pit months of January and February. Here's a little rundown of what falls into that category for me, from the top of my head, at 18:31 on this overcast Sunday.

If you do go to see Janelle Monae, make an effort and dress well forchristsake.

Amazing shows -Janelle Monae and Aziz Ansari both head to these recessed shores next month for the first time. Expect to dance until you're breathless at the former and laugh until you're in tears at the latter. Whatever you do, make sure you got to at least one of the aforementioned. They will be yardsticks you'll use to measure everything else you see during the rest of the year. Drake is also here in London, Manchester and Birmingham over the coming week. If you haven't got tickets to those dates yet then fully expect to be logging on to eBay and remortgaging your house in the near future.

Do you think Mila Kunis makes Culkin do the home alone face when they sleep together? The freak.

Amazing films - January is oscar month and 2011 sees two massive hotly anticipated releases. Darren Aranofsky is back with 'Black Swan' with Mila Kunis, Natalie Portman and the amazing Vincent Cassel. Christian Bale has (as always, the only variance is whether he's big or small) gone through an incredible body transformation to drop a third of his body weight for his role in 'The Fighter'. If you don't like films about ballet, you'll probably like films about boxing, right? This month, at the cinema, everyone is a winner. 'Black Swan' is released on January 21st, 'The Fighter' hits (geddit?) cinemas 4th February.

Pharoahe Monch bucks Hip-Hop stereotypes by posing for a photoshoot with a revolver.

Amazing records - The early part of the year sees new releases from The Decemberists, Iron & Wine, Pharoahe Monch, James Blake, Drive By Truckers, Wire, Talib Kweli and some sort of Glee release that they recommend you use for a coaster/frisbee to through at wild animals that trespass in your garden. The rest of the year could bring something from Radiohead, Gaga's 'Born This Way', Dre's 'Detox' (yeah, right), Jeezy's TM103 and the return of the best band on the planet, Okkervil River.

So yeah, plenty of things to make you hang around for a bit longer before you choose to hop off your mortal coil. Happy new year all of you mad men and women.

Kickin' Ass, Phantom Limbs and New Tings.

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1. Who knows that feeling when you wanna go to the movies but when you look at the listings, well, there just isn't really much on. There's things you could watch, there's things you could 'not mind' and usually there's plenty of things you are convinced that you'll hate. Be that because the trailer looks poor, the poster tame or that Jennifer Aniston is in it. Case in point for all three below.

To think I typed 'Bounty Hunter' in to get this image. No foolin', I'd rather watch a 'Dog the Bounty Hunter' movie than this mess and I hate Dog and his bounty hunting.

A couple of friends and I were in a state a bit like the one described above last night when we headed to the cinema to watch 'Kick Ass'. We didn't particularly want to see it nor did we expect it to be very good but still, what else are you going to do on a Sunday night? Go to church?! Either way, 'Kick Ass' was actually really good! I know! I can barely believe it either. Yeah it was a bit like one of those JuddapatowSethRogensuperbadknockedup films but I think it was pretty well thought out and for the sort of film it is (plot revolves around everymanboy wannabe superheroes and basic teenage worries) very well written too. Apparently the woman pictured below, Jane Goldman, wrote it:

This woman is seriously married to Jonathan Ross. I don't even think she's joking.

Which is also kinda cool because I'm pretty sure last time I saw someone like that they were growing their own drugs in their attic and pretty in to incense sticks in a big way. I don't judge things by their cover though, you know that. Anyone seen that Jenny Aniston/Gerard Butler flick yet? Kinda looks like it's going to be a hoot judging from the poster and the trailer at least!

'Kick Ass' though, definitely file under 'pretty good' I'd say. 'Shutter Island' is on at the moment too. I haven't seen that. In one corner you've got a film about teens that want to be superheroes and masturbate a lot and in the other you've got a long psychological thriller about Leo DiCaprio killing his family and going mad or something. Is it presumptuous to say that if you love the former you won't love the latter and vice versa? Probably. Films really are horses for courses. One man's annoying and malnourished public schoolboy is another man's 'Twilight' superstar heartthrob after all.

2. It's taken me six years to forgive/forget this moment:

By that I don't mean Natalie Portman, Zach Braff or the film 'Garden State'. Natalie Portman has never offended me, I still think Zach Braff is an ass and I haven't seen 'Garden State' since nor do I intend to. So in that so much that scene only changed my opinion on one thing: The Shins. It's wrong, I know it's wrong. It's really shallow and you could probably find something somewhere to ruin all your favourite everything's. Maybe there's a real creepo public exhibitionist in a prison somewhere that just adores the song 'Country Feedback' by R.E.M. for example. Perhaps Nick Griffin adores stuffed mushrooms like I do. Whether you like it or not, other people's opinions of things can change your opinion of things. That's about as poetic as I can put that.

My point is: before I saw that film, I really liked The Shins. Great lyrics, fantastic melodies and I really dug the album covers too as it happens. Then one day I saw that scene and after that I just hardly listened to 'em anymore. It was kinda sad really. Zach Braff man, so much to answer for.

UP UNTIL RECENTLY THAT IS...DUM..DUM...DERRRRR You know what's coming baby! Yep. I started listening to The Shins again!

It all came about around six weeks ago when I thought I'd give 'Wincing The Night Away' a go. I saw it on Spotify and thought, well, why not? I was so pleased to find that, yes, that is an album man! Real next level shit. Could 'Phantom Limb' be better than 'So Says I'?! I woulda called that crazy talk a while back but damn, 'Phantom Limb' wasn't written by James Mercer - it was sent from a deity up above. To conclude point two, me and The Shins are back together. I just read Zach Braff's wiki page and found out he has OCD btw. I'm not even remotely surprised. Watching more than 30 seconds of 'Scrubs' qualifies you as having some sort of illness doesn't it?