Monday, 6 June 2011

The 5 Best Lines From The New Arctic Monkeys Record



Wish this was the album cover.

The Arctic Monkeys released their fourth album 'Suck It and See' today and I've listened to it quite a few times already. The album, of course, suffers from the usual Arctic Monkeys afflictions. That being that the artwork is totally shit and the title is even worse. Seriously, four albums in and these guys have a 100% brown record when it comes to a) album covers and b) album titles specifically. Are they getting too much freedom from their record label? Am I hideously out of kilter here? SUCK IT AND SEE. It's awful. It sounds like a dreadful attempt at grabbing a reader's attention that you'd expect to see in a feature on healthy lollipops in 'More' magazine or something. Yes or it could be blowjobs. Thanks for that The Sun readers.

Still, I really love this band and I particularly Alex Turner's lyrics. Mainly because he never writes the line you think he's going to. Bloke always keeps you guessing and has a great talent for a comic throw off when you least expect it. See also Morrissey, Stephen Patrick. So, instead of spinning some great yarn of an album review for you that makes little sense (leave that to the guardian, of course) Imma gunna highlight five Turner gems I've picked up on today. Spittin' dat Sheffield fire.

1. "And did you ever get the feeling that these were things she said before/her steady hands may well have done the devil's pedicure." - The Hellcat Spangled Shalalala

I love the romantic paranoia in this line - it's just such a sideways way of wondering whether someone should be trusted or not. Who knows what she's got up to in the past hey Alex? Plus the image of the devil having a pedicure. That's ridiculous right? Like that bastard gives a hoot about personal hygiene! He's too busy kicking about with Piers Morgan and Simon Cowell doing his work.

2.
"And I don't mean to rain on anybody's cabriolet.." - 'Black Treacle'

On my first listen to this song I remember approaching this line thinking "Oh God. 'Parade' really isn't going to fit at the end of the line Alex. Whatcha gonna do bro?" and then before I knew it slap! bang! Turner throws in a 'cabriolet'. I haven't heard that word for ages. In fact, I don't think anyone other than used car dealers has spoken that word for decades. Convertible, soft-top, topless. Yeah, all of those but cabriolet? That's an eighties thing and if there's one thing you do not want when you're in your cabriolet, well, it's being rained on.

3. "You look like you've been to breakfast at the Heartbreak Hotel." - 'Piledriver Waltz'

Nice image this one. I've been thinking all day about what would actually be on the menu at that lovesick residence down at the end of lonely street and I think I've finally arrived at an answer: it would be something traditionally good (like love, i suppose) but served without a vital part (like a willing partner to share it with, I presume). I therefore conclude that on the menu at Heartbreak Hotel would be things like cereal with no milk or just dry ass toast. Man, heartbreak tastes just horrible.

4.
"I've been trying to figure out exactly what it is I need/call up to listen to the voice of reason/and got his answering machine." - 'Reckless Serenade'

Could Turner be accused of trying to be too clever here? Perhaps. Still, that half rhyme of 'need' and 'machine' works fantastically well in the song. I can't help but wish that this lyric were true though because on most occasions the voice of reason in your life is usually someone self appointed and my God, they are never on answer machine. Even when you want them to be.

5. "Give me an eenie meenie minee mo/or an ip dip dog shit rock 'n roll." - 'Library Pictures'

I've included this line solely because it made me LOL when I heard it for the first time. I think it was the mix of a childhood rhyme I hadn't heard for fifteen years coupled with thoughts of dog shit rock 'n roll. Or 'Download Festival' as it is more commonly known.

Anyway, good job Arctic Monkeys. Good job Alex Turner. A big band that sells a lot of records, yes, but a band that makes music they want to make on their, aesthetically displeasing cover wise, terms.

Arctic Monkeys - The Hellcat Spangled Shalalala


'Makes me wanna blow the candles out just to see if you glow in the dark.'

1 comment:

  1. Great job! I read your article with pleasure, I came upon it accidentally through Google and I really liked reading it. Besides that i agree with almost everything you say. You've got a pleasant style of writing, and you're funny. I'm going to check out the rest of your blog now, keep up the good work.

    Guus

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